A few years back I went to this solstice fair, not too far from where I live. This little fair was pretty amazing. It was filled with like minded people. Meaning, it was filled with people who are a lot like myself. There were a few palm readers, there were some women who cleaned aura’s and aligned chakras, some tarot readers…all very nice people. It made me feel right at home.

Through the years I have seen several palm readers/tarot readers. Every time I meet a psychic or someone with abilities, they innately seem to know that I am similar to them in some form or another. Each reader tells me I have a special gift. But, this day that I went to the solstice fair, I saw a palm reader who told me that I had the ability to do whatever I wanted. Meaning, if I think it, I can do it and that it would come easy to me. She told me that I sometimes could go somewhere and already know the job or rules or people. That most people go their whole lives trying to get what I was born with. For me this was sort of a wake up call.

You see, my whole life, I have known that I was different from other people. I was a very shy child. Mostly because, I could not always tell the difference between a real person and a spirit person. I could also sometimes hear and feel what other people were thinking/feeling. Which made me very quiet, because I was always listening.

Most of the time when I was talking to myself, my parents thought I had imaginary friends. When in reality, I was talking to spirits. I would spend hours alone in my room, speaking with those who had passed on. Sometimes I would see the pieces of the past, present and future. I spent many nights awake seeing things. Because of this, I did not sleep much at night. Instead, I took naps during the day. Sometimes when I did sleep, I would have the most vivid dreams. To the point where I would sleep walk or act them out.

I was told as a child that the majority of the things I did was not normal. And, I could tell  and feel that most people did not see me as a normal child. I spent many hours at church as a child and when it came to the sermon time, I almost always could hear the words the pastor would say before they were said. I also heard the stories of prophecy and the like, which really excited me, because I could relate to this. But, when I tried to talk to adults about it, things did not go the way I thought. My mother had said she thought I would grow out of it. And, my father thought I was possessed. I never told my friends. Not even my best friends. I did whatever I could to hide this part of myself from the world. I fell into the stigma that I thought I was evil.

By the time I was in high school, I had added the ability to know when something bad had happened to someone I cared about. I had also added the ability to tell when natural disasters would occur. Typically, I would have a waking dream. Where I would go into a state of shock almost, and then the visions would come to me.

By the time I was 16, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started getting into drugs. I tried every drug that I was offered, I had to find a way to mask and cope with my abilities. And, I just kept using. I found that drugs, helped me to really keep myself from hearing, seeing or pretty much feeling anything else except the high. My ability started trying to come to me in the form of dreams. I would have these prophetic dreams in my waking life and my sleeping life. I started adding to my drug use by consuming mass amounts of alcohol. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t using some vice. Even if I said I wasn’t using, I most likely was.

When I was 20, I became pregnant with my first child. I was becoming a parent, and drugs would no longer be an option for me. All of my abilities were back in full force. It was almost like they came back 3 times stronger. I actually got to the point that I thought I might have some sort of psychosis. Every doctor I saw, said that I did not have anything wrong with me. That my brain and memory recall was excellent. And, the great news was that my drug use was over.

Fast forward to September 10, 2001. I was pregnant with my second child. The day before the dreaded attacks-I could hear screaming, smell smoke, feel extreme sadness. Now remember, I never talked about any of this with anyone because I was so afraid of persecution. I had went in to work after the attacks happened the next morning and I had mentioned that I was sensitive to this type of stuff and knew it was going to happen. I was made fun of. The one time, I talk about it and I see and hear people whispering about me being crazy. I went home and yelled to the universe to take it away. And, that if it can’t take it away to help me bury the abilities. That is exactly what the Universe did. From then on I would get very random snip-its of information from the Universe. Always in dreams while I slept. Never when I was awake. For awhile my life was peaceful. But, what is buried, never truly stays buried. Nor should it.

3 years later, I found my life turned upside down. Changes in every aspect of my life were happening. And, I felt if my career, my relationships and the way I look could change that maybe it was time for me to start tapping back into my abilities. I have spent 13 years trying to get back to the same level I was before. I am still not there. I am not sure if I ever will be. But, I will take what I can get.

Most of the time I no longer see dead people. When, I do I can tell the difference between who is alive and who is not; because now they are mostly shadow people. I can speak with the dead, sometimes. It is like AM radio, sometimes it comes through fuzzy. Sometimes I am shown images or given feelings or might just hear specific answers to questions. Sometimes they won’t talk to me at all and sometimes they come visit me at the worst times possible. I can still feel what others are feeling; almost all of the time. This is at the point where I am not sure if it is me who is feeling that way or someone else. I am slowly working on telling the difference. I still have visions of events, although, it is very sporadic. And in a hypnotic state, I become extremely prophetic. I am no longer able to hear what others are thinking or hear full sentences. Which, I am sort of thankful for. I remember always feeling exhausted with this ability.

I will never ask for these abilities to be taken from me again. I will however, ask them to be amplified. I realize now that these gifts were given to me so that I may help others.

I have now surrounded myself with people who except me for who I am. And, I am thankful to have each one of you in my circle. Words can not express, how deeply it means to have someone love you without restrictions.

If you are reading this and you have felt that you are not able to share your abilities with others, I am here to listen and help guide you in anyway. If you feel that you have no one to talk to or just need some clarification on how to hone your abilities I am also here to help. Please feel free to e-mail me at cousinscoven2@gmail.com.

I hope these words are inspiring to those who are hiding themselves from others. Believe me, you can be hiding your true self from others even without realizing it because it becomes second nature. Get out from under the stigma rock and let your true self out.

May you find happiness in your heart, love for yourself and joy in each other. Blessings to all.

-Wendy